I would like to do away with all holidays and special occasion days. Under my plan, Christmas would have to go. Thanksgiving would be history. Valentine’s Day would be just a dim, distant memory. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day would no longer generate millions of dollars in greeting card sales, flower orders, and phone calls. Forget all birthday celebrations (I know some of you like that idea). Just get rid of ALL of them…period!

Why do I oppose celebrating all “special” days? Well, as you may have already guessed, I DO celebrate these days (and many others). Let me take my tongue out of my cheek and explain this apparent paradox.

In thirty-seven years of pastoring, counseling, youth ministry, husbanding, and parenting, I’ve visited with hundreds of folks over the years. I’ve spoken with and observed many aging parents who ONLY hear from their children on Mother’s/Father’s day and birthdays, if then. During the rest of the year, the phone calls, visits, and letters were few and far between. This was especially painful to parents who lived in nursing homes.

I’ve heard most of the arguments/explanations from grown children. “My Mom/Dad don’t even remember that I’ve been there.” “They can’t see well enough to read anyway.” “Their hearing is so bad, it’s a pain to communicate with them.” Wonder how these excuses stack up when compared to the sacrifices their parents made in bringing them into this world and taking care of them practically non-stop in their early years. Things like 2:00 a.m. feedings, hurried trips to the emergency room, all night duty during high fevers and bad illnesses, kissing and bandaging boo boos.

Let’s get to the root of all these excuses. Very often this neglect is the result of anger, even rage. Poor communication becomes a vehicle for “paying back” parents for actual or perceived failure on the part of one or both their parents when they were kids. In all candor, some parents have probably “earned” that kind of treatment from their children. However, these attitudes usually won’t stand up to close scrutiny when weighed on fair scales.

I’d prefer that adult children skip the perfunctory, mechanical cards and phone calls on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays and concentrate on REGULAR phone calls, visits, and letters.

I’ve counseled with children who were inundated with Christmas presents – presents which often indebted their parents until the next Christmas. Presents often take the place of personal expressions of love and affection. It’s relatively easy to buy someone a gift when it’s expected (Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries). It takes a lot more creative energy and effort to express, “I love you” throughout the year. A small gift, shared unexpectedly, for no apparent reason, can often speak volumes to a child, parent, friend, or spouse.

Do you send your spouse or special friend flowers, candy and/or a card on Valentine’s Day? A single red rose, for instance, can convey a powerful message when shared with someone “for no particular reason”.

Prayers and praise (thanksgiving) are powerful tools in the lives of people who genuinely appreciate the blessings poured into their lives by God and others. Offering thanksgiving to the Lord for His bountiful provision one day a year seems woefully inadequate.

I’ve observed the annual outpouring of concern for the hungry, underclothed, destitute people of a community at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Collecting food, clothing, even money isn’t very difficult. After all, most of us can get into the altruistic “spirit of the season”. Food baskets are put together and delivered by well-meaning folks who often fail to understand that truly needy people get hungry, need clothing, and money for utilities – 365 days a year!

Here in Sarasota I recommend, affirm, and applaud programs such as Meals on Wheels, the All Faith Food Bank, Salvation Army, Resurrection House, and others that meet the needs of people every day throughout the year. For my friends who read this piece on the net, Resurrection House is housed in a building where people can come in off the street, wash their clothes, make phone calls, pick up mail. Did you ever try to figure out where a homeless person gets an employment application mailed?

Go ahead and celebrate all the “Special Days” (as I’m sure I will). Just don’t let it end there. Don’t believe that your responsibility to family, friends, your local congregation, or the truly needy ends with a perfunctory, “expected”, traditional expression of love. Practice giving and communicating your love and concern wherever, whenever, and as often as needed. I’ve very often given one of our children a gift a week or two BEFORE Christmas, for instance. Giving the gift at that particular moment just “fit”. I’ve been asked why I didn’t “save” it for THE BIG DAY! Why? And, speaking of giving gifts on THE BIG DAY, whose birthday is it anyway?

Now you know…I’m not a curmudgeon or a grinch. The truth is, I’d like to make every day a SPECIAL DAY for somebody!

WHAT ARE THE LIFE LESSONS
IN THIS FOR ME?

• We all like to be remembered on special days.
• We all like gifts.
• When we focus on giving gifts because of tradition and habit, we miss the whole point of giving. We often fail to give ourselves!

Pat and I visited a church in another city last week. When the pastor announced that it was time to receive the offering, just about everybody stood to their feet, praised the Lord, and gave every evidence of actually enjoying the act of giving. I’ve never seen what the scriptures call “hilarious” giving celebrated in that manner. I was impressed!

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