Have you ever left your warm, cozy home, walked out to your car sitting in the driveway, beat the ice off the windshield, sprayed de-icer in the door lock, opened the door (tearing away the rubber cushion strips in the process), finally managed to turn the engine over (the engine which has had an electric dipstick inserted into its crankcase and been glowing all night), heard the engine roar to life, put the car in gear, and……..couldn’t move an inch because the tires were frozen to the driveway? Well, this story has nothing to do with the Great White North, but it does involve tires!

Many years ago, while beginning a ten year church planting/pastoring term in a small Texas town, I was invited to participate in a great community venture. The local judge had a reputation as a bit of a “hanging judge”, especially where juveniles were concerned. He usually sentenced them to the maximum allowed and didn’t seem to have much sympathy or understanding. Out of this whole conundrum grew a three person advisory group. They sat in on all hearings and trials that involved juveniles. Their purpose was to provide balance. While they had no legal standing to overrule the judge, he usually listened and followed the advice of the members of the group. I was invited to join that group.

This was a fascinating experience in many ways. Me, being me, brought some humor to the proceedings. I also believe I helped bring a sense of fair play and balance. Now, back to the tire story.

One day I got a call from the clerk at the courthouse. There was a hearing scheduled for two boys who lived in a really tiny town about 17 miles from our community. This town was so small that they saved money by nailing both city limit signs on one post! It seems these boys were in music class together and didn’t want to be there. They fancied themselves cowboys in the tradition of the Old West! Singing was for sissies! They grew to intensely dislike the music teacher whom they blamed for all their troubles and woes.

One evening, they hatched a plan to get back at the teacher. In the dark of night, they went to her home and assaulted her VW. Well, they didn’t assault the whole VW. They let the air out of all four tires and NAILED THEM TO THE ASPHALT! Of course, the next morning, when the lady teacher left her home to drive the block and a half to the schoolhouse, she couldn’t move an inch.

I’m not for destruction of property, especially someone else’s property. However, I had to admit a certain admiration for their creativity. The boys and their parents came to the hearing. The judge was particularly dyspeptic. Not in a very good mood. Wanted to give them life PLUS a day.

As we discussed the situation and what to do about it, a consensus grew. We decided that the answer lay in requiring the boys to make restitution. The tires were brand new. They weren’t cheap tires; they were Michelin tires. We looked at the bill for replacing the tires, divided it by two and assessed each boy his share. One stipulation I lobbied for was this: the parents couldn’t step in and pay the boy’s share. Each boy had to work and pay back his fair share.

There weren’t many jobs available in their tiny town. One of the boys got a job in the only cafe in town. He worked all summer in a hot kitchen and faithfully made his payments. By the end of the summer, he’d paid his debt in full. The other boy opted to move to a town (with his parents’ encouragement and help) in the next door state, twelve miles away, and live with his grandmother. (The next door state began at the edge of town!) He never paid a dime of his assessed penalty.

The contrast in the way these two boys handled a just punishment by the court really intrigued me. I decided to follow up and see what happened in their lives. The boy who worked hard all summer and paid the teacher for her loss, graduated from high school and went on to college. He graduated with a 4.0 grade point average. His major, believe it or not? He got real interested in music and ended up with a master’s degree in music education and, yes, got a job teaching music in a public school!

The other boy eventually dropped out of school. He drifted from low-end job to low-end job. Because he had little education, and couldn’t find a good-paying job, he started engaging in petty theft. Pretty soon he graduated to felonies. He was finally arrested for dealing drugs. He spent many years of his life in prison.

I’ve always believed wholeheartedly that one of the best character building exercises involves learning to take responsibility for one’s own actions. Even though this boy was a juvenile and might be forgiven for childish behavior in running from his problems, his parents certainly had no excuse. The best gift they could have given their son was enforcing the rule of the court and requiring him to work at some kind of a job and pay back his fair share of the damages. They didn’t do that. They taught their son that avoidance was the best course of action. Even grandma supported this negative character trait. Shame on all of them. What a price this young man paid for taking the easy way out.

What are the Life Lessons here?

• Kids will be kids.
• Kids do foolish things without regard to consequences.
• Parents have choices about their children’s character growth and development.
• Parents should know about consequences and require their children to accept responsibility for their actions.

While no system is perfect and not all children turn out well in spite of their parent’s very best attempts, usually, we end up with that which we build into our children. Build well from day one and later enjoy the fruits of a job well done. Build poorly and expect to shed many tears of regret.

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