Just about any man can become a biological father. Unfortunately, not all men choose to become Dads. I’ve known a lot of good Dads in my lifetime. I’ve also known a lot of men who, for the sake of their children and themselves, should have by-passed the role.

When I was a young Dad, I recall hearing an older father lament the fact he’d ever had children. Looking back on it, I can now understand that he was very frustrated with the way his children were behaving at the time. They were growing up and he was losing control over them. That experience made me even more determined to ENJOY raising kids and to practice the fine art of “Daddyhood”! I have thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience of fatherhood and family. Has it been a “perfect” experience in every way? No. We grew through the tough times as well as the good times. What a challenging life it’s been. I was part of a team that was entrusted with the awesome task of taking three new lives and helping them become mature, functioning, well-balanced members of God’s family and our society. As new parents, we had to learn how to set boundaries; how to encourage rather than discourage; how to build self-esteem instead of insecurity; how to hug and not bug.

Our greatest task (and choicest reward) was to bring them to the feet of Jesus and watch them grow as members of His family. We got to personally introduce all three of our kids to Jesus.

As most of you know, our children went through the loss of their mother while in their teens. How did we survive, even triumph? We held on to Him and each other as tightly as we could. We purposed to make it through. We cried together, laughed together, helped each other, and, yes, even got on each other’s nerves at times. The tougher the circumstances, the tighter we held on. We all had white knuckles!

Later, God placed Pat in our lives. She is a loved and respected woman in our family. Was it an easy task for her? No! She took on one of the toughest roles anyone could ever be asked to assume. Without her, our healing would have been longer and tougher, for sure! Monday, we celebrated our 23rd anniversary!

My role as Dad of the family was interesting, rewarding, and just plain enjoyable. What are just a few of the things that stand out in my mind? There were daily trips to football and cheer leading practice; weekly trips to guitar lessons; twelve mile round trips so one of our boys could work at a flower shop for $1.00 an hour. There were family trips across most of the United States (when there really wasn’t any money in the travel fund – in fact, there wasn’t even a travel fund!). We camped, fished, explored, collected stuff like walking sticks, photographs, and memories that will last a lifetime.

I realized that God called me to be a Dad, not a bully, king, ruler, boss, despot, or enforcer. I learned that God designed discipline for the purpose of changing behavior; that punishment was what parents inflict in order to release their own anger and frustration. God helped me see that I wasn’t a Dad in order to reproduce three miniatures of myself. As a father, I discovered that my task was to help them become unique individuals; to give them freedom and guidance, so they could develop their own individual personalities, gifts, talents, and potential.

Is there a return on my investment as a Dad at this point in my life? Absolutely. We enjoy visiting with each other. We often talk about personal feelings, beliefs, plans, and past experiences. I easily learned as much from them over the years as they learned from me. They were often patient with me as I developed my “Daddy System”. My reliance on the Lord was an absolute necessity and a welcome source of help.

It isn’t enough to just make sure the family name extends into the future. I know that a part of Jerry Ray Meyer will exist long after I’ve gone Home. The fact that part of me exists in three very loved and respected human beings is perhaps the greatest reward I could expect in this life. Tim, Kathleen, and Mark: you made “Daddyhood” a most fulfilling role for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

P.S. I realize the preceding words are very personal. They express my own individual experience. I lay no claim to perfect fatherhood or, for that matter, perfect children. I believe that excellent parents can have very strong-willed children who reject every effort to bring them to successful adulthood. Other parents, often with few parenting skills or role modeling, don’t start out too well, but do better as time goes by. Still other parents have yet to see good results from their hard efforts at good parenting. Wherever you’re at, fathers, don’t give up. Keep doing the best job you can with His help. If it were easy, anybody could do it!

I’d enjoy hearing your stories and response to this piece.  Use the “Leave a Reply” box below!

– Great letter, Jerry. Always good to hear from you. These signs about going on vacation reminds me of a guy in the little town where I grew up. He had a restaurant and when he went on vacation, he put a sign on the door that said “FISHING POX” This has nothing to do with going out of business, but I wanted to share. You are a neat guy.

– You are hitting a sore spot with many of us this week! Pride is such a powerful force, even more so than the need for help. I’m convinced that some would rather be miserable, yet covering it with a good church smile, than admit any need. Perhaps that is one of the reasons that prayer meetings are practically a thing of the past. Those of us who are afflicted with serious, overwhelming needs, truly have an advantage. For example, I must have God’s grace each day or I know I cannot make it.

      My strength simply is gone, yet I see Him perform a miracle each day! To receive His strength, however, I must admit my weakness, which I am much more quick to do than I probably would be if I were not in pain. I refer to physically whole, relatively wealthy Christians as “handicapped.” They have no obvious reason to express need, yet it must be true that somewhere “in there” are tears of one sort or another. Though I certainly don’t enjoy the company of those who are always focused on or overwhelmed by their needs, that gets depressing, I truly enjoy the company of the transparent.

      I’ll be curious to see what kind of responses you receive from this one!

– Dear Blind Ape – Wish I were half as blind! Just read your latest piece, interesting. I can see myself in there as I wait until I have absolutely no choice but to do what I should have done earlier.

      I think we all have a little of that in us, wanting to succeed so much we ignore the warning signs there is a problem. If we would only take care of it at first, it can usually be overcome. Sort of like we do with God, don’t you think? Sometimes we wait so long it is too late. We get to the position that we don’t have the ability to even ask.

– Well, I agree that I’ve seen a lot of businesses come and go over the years…especially eateries in Sarasota. But, I hadn’t really thought about the games that people play in “going out of business”. There must be tremendous pain in watching a dream, a vision, a livelihood go down the tubes…to let people go because you don’t have the funds to pay them. Thanks for caring about my reaction and wanting to hear from me.

– It’s amazing that you sent this story at this particular time. Life has been very hectic the last several months – two new grandchildren among other happenings. Just yesterday, I realized that I am being controlled by life. it’s getting too hectic. I am getting ungrounded. Your story put things into perspective – I must “go on vacation” – must take time for me. I must have quiet time with God. I’ve got to get grounded again!

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