There were so many provocative and reasoned responses to last week’s piece, “Follow Up”,  that I decided to devote nearly all my space this week to sharing those response’s with you. I’ve edited out most of the “personal praise” (VBG), but left my reader’s view intact. Okay, okay, I fixed a couple of spelling errors and a few typos! (g) I couldn’t possibly put all the feedback here this week, so selected examples, in several categories that might lead to further thought and action, follow.

One of my primary objectives in writing the piece was to stimulate Christians and leaders of churches to “think on these things”. My hope is that some very real changes will take place as a result of the Lord’s conviction and leading. So, here goes…

– It is so true. There are a lot of people around during those first few days or so after a death. Then, one is left without anyone. I experienced this myself about 3 years ago when my mother passed. I am an associate minister of a local church. We need to be more attentive to the needs of those who have lost loved ones. We should check on them after the fact (so to speak). Your article was very inspiring.

– Good piece. I’ve often compared grief to the ocean’s waves. When one is closest to the event, the waves seem to crash over one frequently, at times completely upsetting one’s equilibrium. As time passes, the waves seem to have longer intervals, yet they still come, often completely unexpectedly. It has been nearly 20 years since the loss of some dear family members, and I still find the occasional, unexpected wave. The neat thing is that what once seemed bitter turns into warm memories.

     With that in mind, it seems even more important that we don’t forget those who grieve. We often assume they are doing well. Reality, however, may be that they are struggling to keep their head above water.

     The Church has much to learn in terms of grief therapy. It doesn’t require a rocket scientist, either, just someone who cares enough to do something.

– Papa J, great message for all of us, especially we pastors. This is an area I lament far too often. I don’t follow up as well as I know I should and as well as you have pointed out. We’re re-labeling the ministries in our congregation, and this falls into what we call our “caring ministries”. I will now be nudging us to pick up the baton you’ve passed us. Thanks for yet another gentle nudge from God’s grace and love and these qualities continue to shine through, in, and through all you do.

– Hey! I just wanted to take a second to let you know that I think your idea is great. It really is hard to remember, even though most of us have been there, that it takes a long time to grieve over the loss of a loved one. I, too, will try to incorporate the plan of calling/e-mail/or visiting once a week. Isn’t it amazing what people who are just starting in the ministry can learn from the ones who have been doing it for years? Keep up the great work!

– God is so good. He continues to amaze me about one Spirit. I have been studying about compassion. Jesus’ compassion on “us folks”. Isn’t that what He wants for us? To visit the downhearted? To show compassion for the needy? One visit feels like an obligation met. Becoming a “lighthouse” to their darkness seems like the “heart of God”. I really enjoy reading your insights and enjoy how it makes me reach…Thanks.

– This is a truly awesome article that hits right where it needs to!! I have been on the receiving end of lots of food, friends, etc. till after the burial and then, kerplop—they stop. I also have been one of the bad guys that get so busy doing other things I forget to check on someone who needs me.

     I have a friend right now who just lost her hubby and I am chatting with her on the phone or computer at least once a week. This will get me to thinking more about this. I am printing this out and maybe even sending to our church friends. Really appreciate your input. You have the tendency to make us stop and think about what we need to be doing. Thank you for that!!

– AMEN, PapaJ. Like my grandma used to say, “Oh How Soon We Forget.”. We can’t forget these people. It is imperative even more to get in touch with them long after the fact of losing their loved one. Too often they are so full of grief right after it happens, that they would appreciate folks waiting, anyhow. If we made a habit of doing this AFTER the fact, then I think there would be a lot fewer lonely people, and a lot more grateful ones.

– I enjoyed your piece just posted on attentiveness to grieving families. I especially appreciated the reference to Joyce (Jerry’s first wife referred to in “Follow Up”) as it brought many wonderful memories to mind. I think about her more often than you might otherwise think. I then think also about the difficult times you had to experience with three children and wonder just how supportive your own family was during all of that time. (This one comes from a family member.)

– it is good to be reminded ABOUT how we need to maintain contact with those who lose loved ones. Another thing the church sorely lacks is teaching people on how to cope with terminal illness in the family. Too many people think that by ignoring what seems to be the inevitable, that it will go away, the problem will go away, that is. But in reality we’re creating more problems. Yes, we lost our only daughter to cancer, but we were prepared for it. Some say you can’t prepare for it. I say, “pardon me”, but that ain’t so. One can too. I’ve been there and done that. Thanks!

– Papa, I’m pleased to say I learned this lesson a while ago. I believe it is also true of other losses such as divorce, breakups, maybe even job loss, etc. I try to listen to the inner messages. Yesterday, I had two. I stopped and bought flowers for a lady in my office building who does not actually work for me, but works in the front of the building. I was told she could use a pick up. I also sent flowers to…………. Turns out that both were in need. ……. is facing eye surgery for complications which appear to be maybe caused by the laser eye surgery she had done a year ago. She still struggles at home with her dad who has Alzheimer’s. Their well went dry months ago. Apparently where they live, you have to get permission to drill a well. She hauls water for herself and her dad.

– While I have never suffered the loss of a spouse, I have had two miscarriages. The loss of my precious babies broke my heart, and my friends at work unknowingly added to my grief after the first miscarriage by never speaking of the baby. It was as if that precious child had never existed. I strongly suspect that one of my co-workers, trying to make things easier for me, told my other co-workers not to bring it up. She hates to cry in front of other people, and I feel sure that, in the goodness of her heart, she was trying to keep me from having to cry in front of others.

     What she didn’t realize was that the tears don’t hurt. It’s keeping them all bottled up inside that hurts. Please, Jerry, let your readers know that parents who have miscarriages need the same kind of support as those who lose any other family member. One friend said she thought about bringing food over, but was afraid it would seem too much like a funeral. It WAS like a funeral. I lost a child.

     This is a sad subject, but it’s a wonderful reminder of how we can take Jesus’ love and comfort to others. Thank you for the reminder.

Well, we’ve more than run out of room. Just too many things to share from my readers. I’ll try to bring some more next week along with anything that comes in response to these responses. Neat, eh? (g) I’m particularly interested in specific ways you intend to implement these ideas in your life and in your congregation. If you want to throw in your two cent’s worth, just use the “Leave a Reply” box below!  He is Lord!

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