Have you ever found yourself playing silly little mind games? Maybe you’ve said something a little negative about yourself to a friend, hoping, maybe KNOWING, that they’d disagree with you and give you praise or flattery — try to pump up your self-esteem. You were pretty sure that they’d disagree with your assessment of yourself and try to talk you out of it. Silly little mind game, eh?

Maybe you men have fallen into the trap of even opening your mouth when your wife asked you what you thought of a new dress she’d purchased or made. Or she asked you how you liked her new hairdo. Or, perhaps she’s asked the greatest dark hole question ever asked, “Have I gained any weight?” In cases like these, BELIEVE ME, no negative words should ever even begin to pass your lips!

There are questions you women shouldn’t begin to answer, either. Here are some examples: “Is my hair beginning to thin?” “Do you think I could still fit into that dark blue suit I wore when we got married twenty years ago?” “Do you think I’m developing love handles?” Ladies, hush your face!

As you probably figured out, the last two paragraphs were written “tongue in cheek”. Even though real life often mirrors these two paragraphs, it probably shouldn’t. When Pat asks me how something looks on her, I better be totally honest. She’s not asking in order for me to prop up her self-esteem! Pat wants to know how that piece of clothes looks on her!

Yes, we human beings like to hear things with which we agree, things that please us and make us feel good. Paul once said, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (II Tim. 4:3)

In the corporate world, many companies are headed by executives who surround themselves with “yes” people. When the boss speaks, he expects to hear a strong “yes” from those whose salary he pays.

Those who expect and receive a resounding “yes” to every thought, idea and project are poorly served in many ways. Few people enjoy confrontation, disagreement, or differences of opinion. However, we learn little from those who consistently say “yes” to us in mock agreement with our statements, positions, opinions, etc. in spite of their true thoughts and feelings.

Former New York City mayor, Ed Koch, used to regularly ask his constituents on the street, “How am I doing?” This may have been a political gimmick. His practice of asking this question did generate publicity and gave Mr. Koch at least the semblance of caring about the thoughts and ideas of the “person on the street”.

I’ve learned far more from those who have challenged me or disagreed with me, or who have pointed out poor reasoning or illogical conclusions on my part than from those who’ve always agree with me. It’s entirely possible that the people who’ve challenged me are wrong. By expressing their differing opinion, however, they are doing me a great service. They’re forcing me to reconsider my own views. They’re helping me see different views that might have validity. All of us would like to have ideas, thoughts, conclusions, reasonings, and facts that are correct, logical and above challenge. The truth is: human beings don’t often achieve this status.

This same principle applies to stores with whom we do business. If a store sells me some merchandise and tells me that they want me to be satisfied, I take them at their word. I don’t continue to patronize stores that can’t deal properly with an occasional complaint or returned item. Certainly, it’s my obligation to behave acceptably when I deal with them. My demeanor and language should reflect the Christ who lives inside me. On the other hand, I frequently write letters of appreciation and commendation when a product or salesperson deals with me in a proper manner. I also share with my friends and family both good and bad experiences with various stores, services and products.

When a business sells a product, it’s putting its reputation on the line. Many of these businesses ask for feedback from their customers about either the products or the employees. I’ve had phone calls or received questionaires in the mail asking my opinion. I believe that stores, like individuals, shouldn’t ask for my opinion unless they want to hear the truth.

If all we hear is “yes” and “you’re right”, we’ll be lulled into complacency and a false sense of perfection. Better be hit with the truth (clothed in love, of course), than be stroked with deception or phony flattery. We can be thankful for friends who know how to say “no”, “I disagree”, or “have you considered this?”.

What Life Lessons
Have I Learned In This Area?

• Nobody’s perfect.
• Few of us like to be reminded of this fact.
• Pretending to be perfect can rob us of good input into our lives.
• Flattery may make you feel good; truth gives you the opportunity to become better!

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6)

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