Bewildered: adj.In a state of agitation, disarray, or confusion chaotic, in a pother, baffled, mystified, puzzled, confused, disconcerted, disordered, confounded, disorderly, disoriented, amok, flustered, perplexed, higgledy-piggledy (colloquial), in a stew, in a tizzy, jumbled, off-balance, shook up (slang).

Today’s piece comes straight from my heart and represents a rather confusing array of conflicting thoughts and feelings. I think Pat shares some of my bewilderment, but continues to tell me that “these things, too, will pass”. I hang on to those words with both hands.

Last night (Sunday), we were searching the yellow pages for a church with an evening service. Not too many do have a Sunday evening service. Many have small groups that meet during the week and I guess that takes the place of a corporate meeting.

We found a church I’d been wanting to visit for quite a while. The yellow page ad didn’t show an evening service. We took Tonka and headed out, hoping the Lord would bring us where He wanted us to be. We pulled past the parking lot of the church that didn’t appear to have an evening service and the parking lot was full of cars. Sure enough, they DID have a service. We were happy.

The service was certainly not the usual, cookie cutter meeting. No “song service”, in fact the piano never got played. The pastor, in a shirt that needed no tie (that ministered to me big time right there), talked from his heart about prayer. Not just the usual palaver about prayer, but he talked about the need for serious prayer in order to bring America to her knees. We then watched a video on Calle, Colombia. This town saw most of its drug lords arrested, it’s crime related and immoral businesses shut down, all due to the coming together of lots of Christians, at huge risk to their lives, for prayer – intercessory prayer. In fact, the leading pastor was gunned down during the process. The town went through dramatic transformation.

After the video ended, the pastor opened the service for prayer from the people. One by one, in an increasing flow, folks began to pour their hearts out to God in prayer. What a tremendous blessing that was to me.

The church in which I grew up, had altars. The wood was tear stained from massive use. Well, this church had altars complete with boxes of Kleenex (see graphic again). I felt like prayer was extremely important in the life of this congregation.

Now, what did I think about during this prayer time (here’s the from the heart part of this piece)? Pat and I have been faced with some serious questions about our future. No, not our future as hubbin’ and wif, but in our place of residence and our labor for the Lord!

They continue to find mold in our home. They totally cleaned the house out except for a lone and lonely little phone lying on the carpet in the dining room area. There is absolutely nothing left in our home. For a while, we’ve sensed that God, after 27 years in Sarasota, might move us somewhere. We’d prefer the Smoky Mountain area. We have lots of mixed feelings about this because we have friends and family here.

Right now, everything is in boxes. We didn’t have to pack them. However, if the Lord has moving in mind, how much easier could it be than having everything packed at someone else’s expense? (g) We have no guarantee that they can get the house well enough that Pat can ever live there successfully. We have huge doubts about this possibility.

I also wonder what else God has in mind for me/us to do for Him. I seem busy enough and love what I do through counseling, singing, the internet ministry, etc., but have a kindofan empty, hollow feeling sometimes like there’s more out there He has in mind.

We are at a huge crossroads right now (at least, for us). I’m asking for your prayers and help. Please make this a matter of intercessory prayer. If God gives you any kind of insight into our situation, PLEASE share. If he shows you a home that’s healthy and safe that we could afford, PLEASE share. I believe in my readers. Many of you have given me such insights into what God’s saying through my writings. So much encouragement has come by return e-mail. IF we’re to move, things would have to open up quickly and miraculously. The workers will want to move all this stuff back in our house in a few weeks. I don’t know how to be more open with you Please be just as candid with me when you reply. Thanks.

SOME SELECTED RESPONSES TO “MASSIVE DESTRUCTION”

– Sorry that someone was whining to YOU!!!!! How is the house coming, by the way? I was looking for some information about it! We have bought another house to fix up and we have termites in it. That means a good chunk of cash to rid the place of them.

After the 96 flood here in VA we had to tear off the drywall from our new house, too, to get rid of the mold and mildew that had set in. We used chlorine and water to wash off the 2 x 4’s in the wall, just to kill the mildew. Then we had to re-drywall the walls and repaint, etc. It was a huge mess for weeks. But we finally fixed it up and then sold it a few years later. You could do that too, later and get another place and start over. And you wouldn’t have to pay any capital gains tax any more!! It is wonderful.

– I haven’t had time to see your new article – I’m at work & just popped in to check my e-mail – but I HAD to comment on that PERSON who was so ugly to you!! That was TERRIBLE of him/her!! First of all, you were/are NOT whining. You were simply telling what was going on in your life. Second, if he/she didn’t want to read it, there’s always the delete button! Third (don’t get me started!), that person needs the LORD!!!

– Don’t give a second thought or waste your time on that “person’s e-mail”. I know we are not to judge, but we can be “fruit-pickers” and I don’t think a true Christian would have sent something like that. How can we know how to pray for things if we aren’t made aware of them?

– I’m so sorry that this is such a mess in your house. I didn’t think you were whining. I just thought you were sharing what is going on in your life. As for hidden mold/sin – all the abuse and molestation has been buried for most of my life. It’s taken a long time for God to heal as much as He has. It affected every area of my life. Plus, I’m the scapegoat for the family and was taught I don’t belong. So, not belonging is the worse to get over — it’s really hard to even make a move against that.

– The mold reminds me of what happens in our lives when there is unconfessed sin. So many of us do hang on to small, but ugly things we have done or said and think that it is insignificant. But sin that is stored, seems to be like yeast – it just gets bigger. God’s Word tells us that He doesn’t hear our prayers when there is sin in our lives.

So for heaven’s sake, we must confess our sin because He is faithful and just to forgive that sin and cleans us from all unrighteousness. The by-product of confession is that He will again hear our prayers.

– As you said – it takes all kinds. If we can’t share our concerns and problems with “our friends” then who can we share them with? Just the other day, I was wondering how things were going with the renovations — so please keep me updated. I can feel my blood pressure going up as I type — sometimes I feel that the older I get, the less I understand people. Anyway, please keep me informed.

The photo really makes it real to me. I had imagined a similar scenario, but to see the stark reality of it is a bit frightening. It makes me wonder how many other houses might be in similar shape. It makes me wonder if our old house may have been like yours, only on a much smaller scale. My allergies continue, but I truly feel that my problems come from being outdoors at school so much. Do know that we continue to pray. It must be getting very discouraging for both of you, especially when they found more mold readings in the air inside the home. We can only hope that God will provide sustaining grace, along with the good He has promised to bring from everything (“all things work together for good …”).

– That was an excellent article! Boy, did it ever prick my heart. It was weird because I had just written to you about the relationship thing and I never thought of wrong relationships poisoning and hindering our spiritual and emotional health. Black mold in this case would be my friendship with someone who is dragging me down emotionally and spiritually. It just kind of creeps in— 😦

– Well that gutted part of your house is a lot like the rooms in our heart. The Holy Spirit comes in and cleans room by room as we let Him in. It probably ends up looking like those rooms of yours until He redoes things His way. : )

Of course we have to LET Him come in and tear everything out, which is, as you all too well know, inconvenient, stressful and painful, and leaves us wondering what will be put in there. Then we find out it is much better than what we had.

– Aren’t we blessed that the Lord is a lot more gentle in tearing our layers away than the guys who are working on your house? He is there to hold us, also, as he reconstructs our new walls… smiles…

Great article. I read it with a lot of thought about how it applied to my own life. It seems that with chronic illnesses, we have to depend on the Lord a lot more, and I wonder why we couldn’t have learned to do that without the illness. But, the Lord does know what we need to live closer to Him and to depend upon Him totally…